Day 15 2024

 

WWE Royal Rumble 2024

30 Women’s Royal Rumble Match

I watched the Men’s Rumble with some friends on Discord but I never got around to watching the Women’s Rumble (in full, I did see a little bit). I reviewed the 2003 Rumble in one of these and I found it quite fun so hopefully this breaks the funk I’ve been in. 

Our first, Natalya who is the longest tenured active WWE female wrestler currently. Been there since 2008. Had a farting gimmick at one point and shares her Uncle Bret’s unmistakable charisma. All the personality of those white sneakers you see the geezers shuffling around in. 

Our second is hometown girl and the returning Naomi. The crowd doesn’t react at first so either they couldn’t hear the music or just didn’t recognize it, they pop huge when they realize who it is though. Unlike Sting who kayfabe disappeared for however many years between 2001 and 2015, Naomi’s time in TNA is actually acknowledged on commentary. 

Not much happens in the early going, the two are both solid workers and they’ve matched up a lot so it all looks good. Bayley is out third who immediately takes control…briefly before getting her face rubbed into Naomi’s asscrack. She suffers a Discus Lariat from Nattie to follow up her sexual assault and Nattie gets taken out with a Rear View. We get some elimination teases and it’s time for entrant four, Candice LeRae with all the heat of a broken stove. 

She comes in guns blazing. A mini-Violence Party to Bayley, a series of soft looking kicks to Nattie, topped off with using Nattie like a step-stool and hitting Bayley with a Code Breaker while also landing on Nattie. After a brief tussle with Naomi, Bayley makes her comeback. Number five, again to little reaction, current (at the time, she still may be at the time of writing which is late July) TNA Knockouts Champion Jordynne Grace

Big Momma Pump immediately won me over. I’m a big advocate of wrestling needing more female hosses and Jordynn Grace is exactly that. She takes out all of the WWE wrestlers then turns her attention to former rival and the person she beat for the belt, Naomi. They hug and then start clobbering each other. 

Out sixth, Indi Hartwell. She cleans house and teams with Candice for a bit…out seventh, ASUKA.  She does Asuka things for a bit and they tease dissension between her and fellow Damage Control member Bayley. But that gets put aside and the two eliminate Indi. 

Out eighth, Ivy Nile. She  leans up and botches a Powerslam. Nothing else of note happens before number nine arrives, Katana Chance who is a goddamn ninja. She shows her speed and athleticism until she makes the mistake of running into Jordynne Grace. The two powerhouses, Ivy and Jordynne deliver Stalling Suplexs to Candice and Katana. Jordynne and Ivy have a really nice sequence together. Get them in the ring together please. 

Number ten is Bianca Belair, a third powerhouse. She immediately botches but recovers and takes out Damage Control with a rough set of strikes but finishes off with a beautiful Double Blockbuster. She continues to show off by taking on Katana, Bayley, and Candice all at once. Great stuff, I’m really glad she recovered so easily. 

Number eleven, Kairi Sane. I adore heel Kairi because she’s basically a cartoon henchwoman and it’s amazing. Damage Control is now three strong

and hold court. The trio ends up eliminating Candice. We’re on entrant twelve and we’ve only had two eliminations. Anyway, Tegan Nox and her Rey Mysterio knees are out. She cleans house until Jordynne Grace takes her fucking head off with a Clothesline. 

Tegan almost gets tossed out by Grace but Nattie, her friend, saves her. Nattie immediately tries to eliminate Nox herself but the Girl with the Shiniest Wizard reverse it and sends Nattie to the floor…only to immediately to be tossed out by Bayley. 

Out next is Kayden Carter, Katana Chances partner and fellow ninja. Her and Chance try for a cool elimination save where Chance holds onto the ropes and lands on Kaydens back who then pushes her partner back in but it didn’t quite work so smoothly. Still though, her and Chance show off against Damage Control and almost eliminates Kairi who hangs on with a spot I can’t really describe. But it’s all for not as Sane ends up falling out anyway. Asuka is quickly eliminated shortly after. 

It’s Chelsea, The Queen of Deathmatch Wrestling. They tease eliminating her immediately but she hangs and pulls out a Zig Zag…then she gets marked by Grace. Grace and Belair mix it up and they both almost get eliminated. They both end up on the apron and Grace gets eliminated via Belairs KOD finisher on the apron. Looked brutal and went perfectly. 

Our next is Piper Niven, Chelsea’s partner. Yes there are a lot of tag teams in the women’s division…don’t get me started. Anyway, she saves Chelsea and wrecks Chance, Carter, Ivy, and tops off with a beautiful Saito Suplex to Bayley.

Sixteen is Xia Li who comes out with hook swords…she shoot knocked out two or three people during her NXT and they gave her swords. Thankfully, she leaves them on the ramp and sticks to what she knows best…kicking bitches in the face.  

Zelina Vega is out next. She kills Carter with a Meteora, uses Naomi as a projectile, and almost gets killed by Piper but reverses it INTO a Tornado DDT. Nex out, Maxine Dupree. She screws up two Headscissors. Belair and Vega team up to pull off a vicious Code Red on Piper but fail to eliminate her. Piper, however, eliminates Kayden Carter shortly after. 

Number nineteen, Nia Jax. She uses Vega to take out Xia Li who retaliates only to end up being eliminated by Nia. Ivy tries to eliminate Nia but only ends up eliminated herself. Chelsea Green suffers by getting squashed by Piper by accident, then being squashed by Nia, then having Piper inadvertently drive Nia into her repeatedly. More suffering for Chelsea come shortly after again at the hands or more so bodies of Piper and Nia.

Shotzi is out twentieth and brings her tank to the ring with her. Nia gets hit with a calvelcaade of moves concluding in Maxine’s weird revise Caterpillar that she adopted from Otis. Everyone teams up trying to eliminate Nia to no avail. Bayley does dump out Maxine though and Nia tosses out Piper and Katana Chance. Out at number twenty-one comes Becky Lynch. She mixes it up with Nia and hits a dual Revsere and Standard DDT on Shotzi and Vega. She also eliminates Chelsea.

Out next is Alba Fyre. Out next, yep we’re at that point of the match, Shayna Baszler. Baszler holds Fyre in the air with a Keylock and then kills Belair and Fyre before hitting a slow, slow, Arm Throw on Nia.  Twenty fourth is Valhalla and Michael Cole geeks out over her wearing her antler headband. However, R-Truths music hits and he runs into the ring. He looks around confused that there aren’t any men in the match and Nia tosses him out. Valhalla enters only to be tossed right back out. 

Anyway, Michin fka Mia Yim is out next. She hits a beautiful Springboard DDT on Bayley and a weird Uranage/Reverse DDT combo in Shayna and Shotzi. Shortly after that Naomi eliminates Alba Fyre. Twenty-six is Zoey Stark. She cleans house before her and her tag team partner Shayna eliminate Zelina Vega. 

Twenty-seven, Roxanne Perez from NXT. In quick succession Nia clears out Shayna, Michin, and Shotzi. Eight eliminations so far for Nia in this match. Twenty-eight the debuting Jade Cargill fresh from AEW. I’ve still never seen her wrestle before this moment. She immediately steps to nia and bigs her up on her shoulders. Then, she scoops Nia up and tosses her out with ease. Hell of a debut, it’s no wonder she’s already won gold after only five months in the company. 

Nevermind that shit though ITS TIFFY TIME. Tiffany immediately takes out five women with a Swanton Bomb and mixes it up with old rivals Becky Lynch and Roxanne Perez. Number thirty, the returning Liv Morgan to a huge pop. She hits a Codebreaker, Back Stabber, Rock-style Tornado DDT, and obLIVion before eliminating Zoey Stark. Roxanne Perez is tossed out and the remaining seven begin to slug it out. Jade and Belair both hit Stalling Press Slams and stare down. The crowd loses it but they’ll have to wait. That was a joke about them being put together as a team but immediately after I finished typing Tiffy and Bayley broke up the stare down. Jade decides to vent by killing Naomi. The Jade Cargill Agenda flourishes as she eliminates both Becky and Naomi. 

Tiffy almost eliminates Liv and Bianca almost eliminates Tiffy but all three end up on the apron. Liv hits Tiffy with a Codebreaker and she keeps herself from falling by grabbing onto and hanging by Bianca’s braid. Fucking tremendous spot…Bayley eliminates them shortly after however.

We’re down to three Bayley, Jade, and Liv. Bayley attempts to take on both Bu fails. Foolishly, Jade and Liv turn their attention to each other and Jade almost eliminates Liv and Bayley. However the combined forces of Liv and Bayley pay off and Jade gets eliminated with a Modified ovLIVion. Liv is immediately pushed off then apron by Bayley and since she went over the rope first we have a winner. 

Phew what a match. Rumbles can be hit and miss matches but this one is mostly hits. A couple of the women had a bit of an off night but everything was smooth, crisp, and consistent. The pacing felt a little jarring but the never got boring and it actually goes by pretty quickly. The booking was perfect too for people like Nia and Jade.  Overall, a really good Rumble featuring a lot of talented women.